Raising Kids in Faith When You Are Not Sure Yourself

A lot of parents in this valley want their children to have faith and are not sure about their own. If that is you, here is what I would say. You do not have to have it figured out to bring your children to a place that does. Faith is caught before it is taught, and it is caught in a room full of people, not from a parent who has all the answers.

I know because I was the kid, and now I am the parent.

The kid

I grew up in church. I was not patient with it. I would sit there and tell my mother the preacher was talking too long. Then I left at 18 and did not come back until I was 28. Ten years.

Here is what I did not understand until later. Those ten years did not erase what had been planted. When I walked back into a church at 28 and the choir sang, my feet moved before my head agreed. Something in me knew the language. My mother had not argued me into faith. She had put me in a room, week after week, where faith was the air.

The parent

Larin and I have two boys. My youngest is up at 5:30 every morning, and he is just tall enough to reach the light switch. He walks in and says, “Let's play.” So I made a rule: we cannot move until we see the sunlight. The day does not begin until the light comes in.

That is most of what I know about raising kids in faith. You are not handing them a system. You are teaching them where the light comes from, and you are doing it in ordinary moments, most of which you will not remember.

What you can do without pretending

Bring them, even when you are not sure. Amazing Kids meets during the service for kindergarten through sixth grade, and younger children stay with you. Your children will hear the stories, sing the songs, and be loved by adults who are not their parents. You will sit in a room where you can listen without pressure. Nobody will ask you to sign anything.

Let them see you ask questions. Children do not need parents who are certain. They need parents who are honest. “I am not sure, but I want to find out” is a stronger lesson than a confident answer you do not believe.

Give them a community, not just a belief. In this church your kids will know adults by name who show up at their games and ask about their week. When they are fifteen and do not want to hear anything from you, those adults will still have a voice. That is the gift. It cannot be bought and it cannot be built alone.

Pray with them badly. Ten seconds at bedtime. “God, thank you for today. Help us tomorrow.” That is enough. My kids do not need eloquence. They need to see that their father talks to God.

Do not fake it. Kids can smell it. If you do not believe something, do not say it. Say what you do believe, and let the church say the rest.

What the church will do

We will teach your children the Bible at their level, one story and one big idea a month, so you can talk about it on the drive home. We will keep them safe. We will treat you as a guest, not a project. And we will be here for the years when parenting gets hard, because a lot of us have been through them.

You are not the only parent doing this

A Family Group for parents meets on Tuesday evenings during our small-group seasons, for people in the same stage of life who want to talk honestly about raising kids here. It is open to newcomers. Ask at Next Steps and they will connect you. We meet in the Fireside Room 15 minutes after service for 30 minutes.

For the parent who is exploring

You are welcome to explore alongside your child. Some of the best conversations about God I have had were with a parent who came for their kid and stayed for themselves. Next Steps meets after service, and you can bring your children with you. We meet in the Fireside Room 15 minutes after service for 30 minutes.

You do not have to be sure. You have to show up. God has been doing the rest for a long time.

See you Sunday. Plan your visit.

Pastor Kaloma Smith